Step by Step

I'm in a weird headspace, y'all.

It's weird to have left this place silent after my last post with no update.  My job is such an emotional rollercoaster and I go from hating it and wanting to quit to making triple the amount of the most money I've ever made before.  So.  I don't know what to tell you there.  I'm taking it step by step and I'm feeling confident that I'm heading in the right direction and while I'm not where I think I'll be for long, I'm going the right way.

Another thing that has me all messed up is my state of physical ability.  About a month ago we were in Lake Powell with Landon's work and I got a little too confident on a wakeboard resulting in a (self-diagnosed) sprained MCL.  I've sprained my knee before, years ago while snowboarding, so I'm familiar with the symptoms.  And while this sprain wasn't nearly as bad, it's effected my life for the worst.  I haven't been able to run more than a mile since it happened.  And after a month of little to no running, I've found myself in a frustrating spot.  I've gained some lbs and lost endurance, which is expected after an injury, but it really is in every sense of the word: frustrating.  I've got a half marathon in a few weeks that I'm not sure what I'm going to do about.  It's the Moab Trail Half Marathon and I've been looking forward to it all year.  I should probably defer my entry to next year, but I also might just go for it and walk when I need to.  We'll see.

A good thing I've been trying to put my energy towards is redecorating my living room.  I went to Hobby Lobby last week and was struck with inspiration.  So my excess funds from my job have been directed straight towards that.  It's really nice; we've lived in our house for just over 3 years now and it's been just a step above a glorified bachelor's pad and it feels good to start tying a look together.

I also finally bought my very own Scentsy candle and it's burning a Snowy Spruce kind of scent that may be a little Christmassy for this time of year, but I am into it.

This is kind of a dumb post, but like I said- weird headspace.

Stick with me, I'm going to figure things out.

When Things Just Didn't Go As Planned

You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you've I've started and restarted to write this post in the last few weeks, but it's never felt right.  It's a slow night though, and I'm going to power through it.  I think a part of the problem is that I've been waiting to be able to say that I love my job and everything is going great.  But if I'm being honest, that's just not how I feel.  I am 99.9% sure no one at my job has figured out that I have a blog, so I feel safe airing out my feelings here.  Writing it all down is therapeutic and it helps me process the ball of emotions I'm feeling; that's why we all do it, right?

Well, I don't love my job.  It's been the cause of a lot of anxiety and frustration.  I had extremely high hopes when I took this job and said goodbye to the lab.  I'm not saying that I regret it, because I don't.  I need this job for school and it truly has been a learning experience for me.  But dude- it's been the cause of a pretty brutal emotional roller coaster.  I was telling my mom that when the nights are good, they're really good, and when they are bad, they are almost unbearable.  And unfortunately, the feelings I have when I have a good night don't outweigh the bad ones.  My paychecks are phenomenal, and I've been the top marketer this month, so why do I find this job so upsetting?

A big part of it too, is the schedule.  I think I talked about it in my last post about how all my free time is in the mornings when everyone is at work.  I'm missing out on a lot of things because I'm at work when everyone else is not.  I had to work on the 4th of July and on my birthday, and even though I requested Labor Day weekend off 4 months in advance, I still haven't heard if I'm going to get it or not.  And that's just not okay for me.

I think if I could get the time off I wanted and have my evenings and weekends like I was used to, then the up and downs of sales wouldn't weigh on my like it does.  But between me being on my own a lot as of late and then having some rough nights here and there, it's really bringing me down.

I hate how I sound when I say any of that out loud or typing it on my computer.  I hate feeling this way about my job.  I don't have kids, so aside from Landon, my job is my life and I just don't feel like these are the feelings I should have about a place I spend so much of my time at.  I shouldn't have anxiety on my commute to work, and I shouldn't have to occasionally take my lunch break behind the building so people can't see me fighting off tears when the night is beating me up.  And most of all, I should not have to beg and plead and sacrifice every other day I would want to take off work in hopes that I get Labor Day weekend off to go on the first vacation I've had with my side of the family in nearly a decade.

I'm glad I took this job, because if I had let it pass I probably would have had to skip a semester and I would always wonder what it would have been like, but I cannot wait to find where I'm supposed to go next.  I know that I am good at sales and marketing and I've learned a lot about myself, but most of all I have learned exactly what I'm looking for in a career and that just isn't going to be found here. 

Maybe send up some prayers or good juju that I am able to move forward and find my place in this world.

Thanks guys, you're the best.


I didn't want to post anything until I had something to talk about that wasn't work.  Well, nothing has happened besides work for the last month and there is a lot of adjusting I've had to do.  My schedule being the biggest thing.  For the past six years, I work M-F, 7 AM to 3 PM, (with the exception of longer hours in the summer during big jobs).  But now my work schedule is all OVER the place.  I rarely get even a Sunday off let alone a Friday or Saturday, and my usual hour range from 12 PM to 10:30 PM, which is just, buck wild to me.  I've been staying up later because I don't have to wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning anymore, but I also didn't get out of bed until 10:03 this morning.  And then it's like, I've wasted half of my time that isn't spent at work today.  So that is something I'm really trying to figure out.  I do get to go to the gym in the mornings which I actually like, and I've been having more time to cook and stuff because Landon isn't home distracting me.  Not that he's distracting, but if he's home I'd rather be hanging out with him than in the kitchen.  Oh yeah- that's the other crappy thing about this schedule, I barely get to spend time with my husband.  I know that millions of people have different work schedules and it isn't something I should whine about, but doggonit if I don't miss him terribly.

Another thing I have been learning to adjust to is rejection. Over and over and over and over and over again.  Don't get me wrong, I've been able to turn around a good majority of these rejections, but man, hearing no 156 times in just a couple hours is pretty brutal.  Sales, my dudes- they tell ya its rough, but it doesn't really sink in until you're in it.

ON THE FLIP SIDE- last week I made $50.00 an hour, so like, at the end of the week it's turning out to be worth it a little.  I told Landon I want to put anything more than what I used to make into a savings account because I don't want us to get accustomed to living on that kind of income in case the end of the year I just decide I can't handle it then it won't feel like we are destitute living on a lesser income.  Solid plan, right?  Already anticipating quitting. But of course I'm kidding, I'm not anticipating quitting, but I do plan on putting all extra income into a savings account, JUST IN CASE.

As I type this out, I realize that it sounds like suddenly I don't like this job anymore.  That is not the case.  I actually have been having a lot of fun with it, but just like anybody else in this world, change is not an easy thing for me.  I would say I'm pretty good with going with the flow, but my entire flow has been completely re-routed and I knew going into it that I was going to have to be flexible.

Anyway.  It's getting easier, and definitely more lucrative, so I can't really complain all that much.  I will say that I miss getting to spend my weekends with Landon, but it comes with the territory.  We're just going to have to get creative with our shenanigans, that's all.

Work is Good.

I'm doing, you guys.  I'm actually succeeding at my new job.  I was so nervous quitting Garco and coming here.  Especially because the first weeks were so slow and I wasn't getting a lot of face time with guests, but this week has been so awesome.  I'm feeling so excited for the future.

I did go back to Salt Lake to talk to my (old) boss the other day.  We talked for over two hours about any possible way for me to come back.  I told him I'd seriously consider his offer(s) and talk with Landon about what we thought would be best for us and that I'd get back to him.  No matter what happens though, I will never be able to articulate how much it means to me that they are willing to do everything they can to get me back.  I'll be honest- I wish they would have had these options before I had to go find a new job, but regardless, it means a lot.

But, yeah.  Work is good. 

There's Something Different

It might be awhile before you guys hear me stop talking about my new job. 
Today though, I wanted to talk about the major differences
(sorry) between being a timeshare marketer and being a quality control lab technician; because there's a lot of them.
Firstly, and I mentioned this a couple posts ago, one of the biggest changes I've made is what I wear and how I get ready in the morning.  I've invested hundreds of dollars in a new wardrobe this last month because I literally had nothing that qualified as "business casual".  Everything I owned was just, I don't know, casual, I guess?  And what I have been wearing to work for the past six years probably doesn't even meet casual standards.  I think the best way I could describe that look was homeless chic. And even that is being generous.  So I feel like the prettiest girl at the ball here in my new blazers.  Also- making time to actually blow dry and style my hair in the morning is nuts.  My work is closer now, and I don't go in until 7:30 instead of 7:00, but I still have to wake up roughly at the same time because now I have to primp.  Not complaining though, I actually really like getting ready for work again.
(excuse the mirror selfie, my dad was a large contributor to the new wardrobe and he wants to see what I'm wearing.)

Secondly, I actually have to interact with people.  I mean, at Garco obviously I was talking with my co-workers and the foremen and whatnot, but did I actually have to talk to customers?  No.  So going from being a mildly isolated lab rat to a marketer/concierge at a 5 Star resort was 0 to 60.  Luckily, my primo customer service skills came back immediately and right now I'm just trying to figure out what the best restaurants in town are since that's the most common question I'm getting. 
This brings us to the third and biggest change I'm trying to adapt to: sales.  And that's kind of a doozy since that's all this job is.  Going to school for it and practicing in theory is a whole different ballgame compared to real life.  And of course I knew that going into it, but still.  Being a salesperson is kind of terrifying.  It's pretty slow, so I haven't gotten to pitch to a lot of people yet, but the few I have talked to definitely made me work for it.  I'm getting more and more comfortable and I'm figuring out the best approaches, but there is definitely a learning curve to this profession.  I'll get it, though; just need to practice.

I'll be honest, I'm still so caught between my emotions about everything.  I can tell that I'm going to like this job.  It's a beautiful resort, it's in Park City, the people are going to keep me on my toes, and I'm probably going to end up making a lot of money.  But man- I miss Garco.  I've been talking to my old bosses over the last couple weeks and just keeping them in the loop with things.  And now I'm actually going to meet up with them on Thursday to catch up and just talk about everything.  I know I'm probably walking into a hard situation because they want me to come back, but I just miss everyone so much and find myself getting butterflies at the thought of going back to see them.

Trust me, I'm aware that I sound like a broken record over all of this.  But it's helpful for me to write these thoughts out and materialize them a little more.  It helps my brain.

Tulip Festival 5k

I'm sure you all remember a few years ago when I ran my first half marathon at the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. Actually- maybe you don't... I don't think I every blogged about it. NBD, I'm a professional blogger.

Well, that was the first race I ever did.  I made my entire family come see me do it because after training for it, I was positive I would never run another half marathon in my life.  Fast forward two years and five half marathons later, we all know that didn't end up being true.

And then last year, I signed up for it the night before on a whim.  I had just ran the Zion Half a few weeks prior, but I was a little out of my mind (we had just put my dog down and finals were destroying me) and I registered at midnight before the race.  I had a blast, but in retrospect it wasn't the best idea because I hadn't kept my training up and my knees paid dearly for it.  I decided this year, I wouldn't run the Tulip Half Marathon right after the Zion Half because I want to be able to continue to run.

But, although I decided no to do the half, the 5k was free game.  My mom has been wanting to do a 5k with me for years, so for Christmas I bought her and I our entries to the Tulip Festival 5k!  It's been awesome to have something to look forward to for the last five months, and she came up to our house Friday night so we could get up early on Saturday and ride down together.  We went to Park City and I got to show her and Landon my new work digs and give them the grand tour of the penthouse suite and followed it up with dinner at our favorite pizza joint.  We didn't stay out too late because it was a blizzard (it's been a whiteout all week up here) and we needed to get home and get some rest.

We woke up around 6:00 am, stopped at the grocery store to get some breakfast, and we drove on down to Thanksgiving Point to get our packets and get all ready for the race!  Since it was the 5k, it started about an hour after the half marathon.  We jumped in the line-up at 8:00 and were off at the sound of the gun shot.  It was a little chilly when the race started, and we had debated whether to leave our jackets or wear them; we ultimately decided to wear them.  About a half a mile into the race, we were hot and regretted the decision.  I called Landon and asked him to meet us at the 2 mile mark so he could grab our jackets.  He was there, right under the water tower, cheering us on and taking pictures.  He is the best cheerleader of all time. :)

There was a water station there and we got a quick drink of water before we were on our way again.  As I think back about it, this race went by so fast! We were done in 40 minutes, and I'm so proud of my mama.  She did incredible and I am already looking to see what races we can sign up for next!  We crossed the finish line with tears in our eyes as we took turns putting our medals around each other's necks.  I told my mom as we were approaching the finish line, that in every race that I've done, as I am crossing the finish line I always think about the person I used to be before I started running, and how I'm am that many miles further away from her.  To think of the hundreds and hundreds of miles I've put between her and me is mind boggling and it brings tears to my eyes every finish line I cross.  Running has become part of who I am; I do it to get away from everything in life that is worrying me and if nothing is stressing me out, then I do it just to feel good.  And even though this race was a shorter one, it was amazing to do it with my mom and I hope this is the beginning of countless more to come!

After the race, we got to walk around the Tulip Festival and enjoy the incredible gardens that Thanksgiving Point has to offer.  It blows me away every year, but this year was especially awesome because it's been non-stop snowing for the past 5 days.  Utah usually gets a rogue storm every year at the end of April, but a week long blizzard is bizarre even for these parts.

It was windy, but the sun was out and the flowers smelled amazing.  For the first time this year, it finally feels like spring.  One of the perks of running the 5k instead of the half marathon was that a lot of people were still running, so we got the gardens almost all to ourselves for the couple hours we were walking around them.  Around lunch time, the crowds started making their way in, but it was fine because we were on our way out.  We got to enjoy it all while it was calm and quiet and it was glorious.
And of course, shouts out to my biggest supporter and best friend! Year after year, race after race, Landon reminds me just how lucky I am to always have someone out there cheering for me.  I don't imagine sitting around waiting for someone to run a stupid amount of miles is the most fun thing to do on your day off, but Landon has never once complained about following me around to every race I do.
I love him so much.

An Update on the New Job

That last post was heavy, wasn't it?  I can't believe it's been nearly three weeks since I wrote that.  It's been a whirlwind trying to get in the swing of things with the new job/life.  It has been- interesting, to say the least.  I mean, take me from three weeks ago and put her next to me today and it's just one extreme to the next; it's been and continues to be an adjustment.  I was used to waking up every day at 5:15 AM, barely doing the minimum (showering + mascara), eating a bowl of cereal, going to work in muddy jeans and steel-toed boots , and getting home by 4:15 in the afternoon.  Now my schedule will range anywhere from 7:30-2:30 to 2:00-10:00, and my days off are going to be sporadic throughout the week.  I have gone out and bought blazers, button-downs, and heels, and doing my hair and make up appropriately takes 4 times as long as it used to.

I'm not saying this because I miss the old ways (necessarily), but it's just a complete 180 from how I've lived and worked for the past six years and it's taking some getting used to.  I will say, however, it is really fun to actually feel like a girl and get pretty for work.

I knew that leaving Garco was going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, and even three weeks later I'm still feeling the dull ache in my heart from how much I miss them.  While I haven't been an emotional wreck like I was in my last two weeks, I find myself clutching to any connection I can.  I've been actively deleting incoming out and outgoing calls in my phone so that I still see my boss and the foreman of the pit's names in my call history.  It makes it feel like I'm still talking to them every day.  I took pictures of every room of the lab before I left and I look at them at least once every couple days, and I swear I can still smell the asphalt cooking.  And I've been talking with my boss and old co-workers every few days, just a couple texts here and there, and they have no idea what it means to me. I cannot convey how badly I miss them; it's like nothing I've ever experienced.  Landon and I just finished watching the Office (for the 87th time) and I could barely breathe this time because I related more than I ever have in my life when Andy says, "I wish there was a way to know when you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."  I told my old boss the other day that I literally have to talk myself out of driving past Park City and down to the pit every morning.  He told me to stop listening to myself.  As time passes, I can't decide if it's getting harder or easier to do so.

But as much as I long for the Garco days, I am anxious for my new job to get going.  It's a ghost town in Park City right now since we're between seasons.  As more people start coming into town, I think I'll get better at what I'm doing.  I'm hopeful, anyway. I have an incredible team who is going to whip me into shape, I work at a breath-taking resort in the best city on Earth, and I'm in the mountains which is like, my dream, so I'm determined to not only succeed, but go above and beyond.

Just got to give it time, because it's all very bittersweet.  All I can say is that I've got good things ahead, and good things to look back on, and I am very aware of how lucky I am to be able to say that.

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