Just Another Thursday

I've decided to become to name myself, "Blogger of the Night" kind of like "Lady of the Night" but less prostitute-ey, unless you're into that kind of thing, then whatever. I'll try anything once. Plus, night is the only time I have to blog. Work was a party today. Loved it, my favorite parts where when I got Ryan to touch my bug zapper and it hurt a lot more than we were anticipating and when George blew a hard boiled egg right out of it's shell (that happened yesterday, but I'm still mind-boggled over it) and when Justin lobbed two wet wads of toilet paper at Other Ryan's truck at the end of the day.  We can all agree that my job rocks. ha. rocks...I work with rocks. oh boy. That was a bad one.
Hey, tell you what, I'll just post a picture of a super creeper chica. that will take your mind off my bad joke.
BAM! What were we talking about?
Flanders and I are catching up on weeks of missed episodes of How I Met Your Mother.  Married life is the best. Though, I still haven't watched this week's episode of The Bachelorette. I know, WHAT?! I guess there are more important things in life than living vicariously through Emily Maynard. Plus, the dudes she got stuck with seems like a familiar effect explained in aforementioned t.v. show:
The Cheerleader Effect:
Where a group of girls is seemingly hot, but take them individually they are horribly ugly.
That's how I feel about the group of guys on The Bachelorette this season. Just a bunch of unattractive tool bags thrown into a room to fight over a mega hot chick. Poor girl. I pity her, especially because I have a super mega awesome foxy hot husband rubbing my feet right now. ahhh, life.

Fine, I'll Blog Again...

Well blog friends, I come to you with my head hung. I can't believe I have gone this long without talking to you. Promise I haven't been giving you the silent treatment. The reason I haven't been around is, uh...I was attacked by a bear....holding a shark....
true story.
Also, I was doing a lot of wedding stuff with my BFF and a lot of dirt biking stuff with Flanders and snuggling with the new puppy-who is officially named "Shadow"- and a lot of picnic-ing on Memorial Day and a lot of working with my dirt.
Thursday was Kay's wedding, I was loving the colors and the decor and like good bridesmaids, we were pleasantly obnoxious at our table in back.
On Saturday, despite the monsoon outside, we packed up the bikes and headed out to what we call "The Knolls" to get some riding in on our long weekend.  I took ol' Shadow for his first ever motorcycle ride. He loved every second.

We also saw this super crazy lady on the back of the Wendover Nugget bus. She kept passing us and we were more and more freaked out each time. I feel as though she was putting curses on us with each pass because things kept flying off our trailer, including almost Flander's mom's bike. almost. It was hanging off the edge, but we kept it on. Stupid voodoo bus lady.

Then on Monday Flanders and I headed up to Layton to hang with my mom and sister. We went on a picnic at this little pond that is opening up to the public for the first time ever.  It was such good weather. Finally. 
I hate to brag, but I have the most attractive husband ever. Who am I kidding, I love to brag.
And then later that night, we went to the Prairie Schooner.  It's the world's coolest steak house where you sit in covered wagons and and dine with wild life and Cowboys and Indians.  It's so legit.  I made Flanders pretend to be an outlaw while we ate our rib eye's and fried mushrooms. He played along, for like a minute. and then when I told him my name was Little Miss Tilly, he called me a whore and continued to eat his house salad.  That was pretty much it for pretending to live in the Old West.
And now I am back to working 10-12 hour days.  The three day weekend was over fast, but the overtime is gonna make my paycheck pretty. and I love everyone I work with. AND I just got a new hard hat. 
chicago bears, baby.

Clearance Puppy

So there is a new addition to the family as of last night.  Flanders, his mom Sunny and I went and looked at some puppies for my little bro-ha in-law.  Sunny didn't anticipate leaving with a little guy, but Flanders and I were determined to get one.  We got him because he was the last of the Golden Doodle litter and they just wanted him to go to a good home so they gave us a screaming deal.  We are calling him Clearance Puppy until Kenyon decides on a name.  If any of you have any suggestions, we are open to them.  I am SO jealous he doesn't get to sleep at the foot of my bed, but we are moving soon and maybe we'll get a pet friendly apartment so we can have a baby of our own. Here is my picture over-load of the little guy.
this is when we were still just looking. I was immediately in love.

his face. so so sweet. and he has such long eyelashes. pure definition of puppy dog eyes.

Flanders and Clearance Puppy bonding. And I am melting behind the camera.

Here is Clearance Puppy doing what puppies do best. I wasn't even mad.

and now he is all worn out. we can all just die over his feet now.
(ignore super creep back there...yikes...)
I almost cried when I had to let Sunny take him home and I had to stay in Provo. and I am so jealous that Flanders doesn't work today and he gets to go see him after church. I told him he has to send me lots of pictures of him so I can get through work today. He is just the greatest little guy in the whole wide world.

Amaze Balls and Comically Large Spiders

It's going to be a great day! I got to work today and talked to Sky and another guy we work with named Ryan for a minute.  I was holding my phone and then it literally jumped out of my hands and in my attempt to catch it, I ended up hitting it straight into Skyler's crotch. Squirrel tapping Professor Squirrel early in the morning is a sure fire sign that today is going to rock.
Last night, Flanders and I had a little date night at this little 50's diner down the street from us.  Flanders has been wanting to go ever since we moved here and we finally stopped by when it wasn't closed. It was amaze balls. And we literally had some amaze balls. Fried mac and cheese balls to be exact. Flanders and I were practically punching each other in the face for the last one. not. I cut in half. and took the smaller half. best wife ever? I'd say so.

We got home around 8:30 ish and crawled into bed to watch King of the Hill on Netflix. Nobody knows why we have been so entertained by this show, but we can't stop watching it. Typical though that we fell asleep by 9:30.  We're so lame. But it felt great when I woke up this morning. I actually showered before work instead of lazily throwing all my hair in a braid. Though you should all know, I am lucky to even be alive this morning. I woke up around 1 am terribly parched, so I went to the kitchen to get a drink and a spider the size of Rhode Island was on the floor in front of the sink. I didn't know what to do. Flanders was asleep and I couldn't squish this thing! I just stood there staring at it staring back at me. I slowly moved to the side of the kitchen and grabbed the biggest cup I could find and bravely put it on top of the spider.
I got my drink, ran back to my room, and in my attempt to dive back into bed I rammed into the bed frame and now I have a bruise on my leg the size of the spider the size of Rhode Island that I trapped under a cup in my kitchen.  When Landon woke up, I was like, "there is a present for you on the floor in the kitchen." and he was all, "is it dog poop?" and I was like, "where the heck would I have gotten dog poop?" and then he was all, "is it a spider?" and I was like, "bingo." Like the knight in shining armor he is, he disposed of it for me. Either that or he just moved them both to the counter because when I went in there this morning that's where the cup was and it was still upside down. I wasn't brave enough to check. That would be a cruel joke though....
Last night, before Flanders and I went to dinner, I was wasting time on my favorite website iwastesomuchtime.com and found this gem. Flanders and I watched a thousand of his videos and desperately tried to find a way to download his music. but it was to no avail. so now we just have to listen to it on youtube.
needless to say, we both get a little turned on when we listen to him.

Loam If You Want To

this is a true story. I went to sleep at 5:30 pm last night. woke up at 10:05 pm, took a shower ate some grapes and yogurt and was back to sleep by 10:35 pm. Off to work at 5 am and I'm feeling pretty good.
It's looking delightfully cloudy outside and the temp is hanging around 66 degrees which is beautiful compared to the high temps we've have this week. Makes sampling the crusher a lot less painful. So I decided to share a glimpse into mine and Flanders text messages.  Don't worry, nothing too kinky. (not this time anyway...) Mostly, I just think we are genius poets.
Me:
Dear Landon, I love you.
Dear Landon, do you love me too?
If you do,
Say its true,
That you'll always be my Flanders boo.
Flanders:
I do love you Whitney Dear, so
much that it brings a tear.
When I look at you all I
want to do is leer.
I  would do anything for you,
even ride a rabid deer.
Although, I don't know if I would
try a beer....
I love loving you from year to year.
you are my favorite my Whitney dear.
Me:
That was the sweetest thing,
It made me want to sing.
It reminded me of when you gave me my ring.
Oh what happiness you bring,
you are the wind beneath my wing.

and then he didn't answer me for a whole day so I had to send another one...

Me:
Remember how you promised me a poem?
Now I am crying out on the loam*.
And my trucks rims aren't even chrome.
I feel like I am in Stephen King's Dome.
And I don't like garden gnomes.
I need a new comb, the color of sea foam.
I want to go home. And roam.
Flanders:
I am so sorry that
I haven't written you a rhyme, to be honest
I've been so busy I haven't had the time.
The thought of you crying
produces tears as if I sucked on a lime.
For making you weep I ought to be charged with a crime
and also be fined at least a dime.
Me:
Oh baby, you sure make me smile,
and it was quite a wait, but it
was worth the while,
I almost dropped my phone to the tile,
man that would create a trial,
and accident I'd have file,
but that's not my style.
For you I'd dial, or walk to the Nile,
and think of you mile by mile.

Genius, right?
*Also, I feel as though I need to explain the word "loam" up there.  I used to read this blog on Sparknotes about this guy who was reading Twilight and blogging about it chapter by chapter. It's the most amazing thing I have ever read. And he went off about how Stephanie Meyer used the word loam in a sentence and he had to google the meaning. it means:
loam  (lm)
n.
1. Soil composed of a mixture of sand, clay, silt, and organic matter.
What he has to say about it is hilarious and now I use the word whenever possible. Such as, texting poetry to my husband.  Here is the excpert from the blog:

"As he runs, the other werewolves share mind-thoughts. They bicker and tease one another. Wolf Leah and Wolf Jacob race to the meeting. He digs his nails "into the loam" and runs off. Loam? Really? Loam means dirt, or earth. (I just Googled it.) But why use that word? Better question: Why would Jacob use that word? The only people to use the word loam are hoity-toity writers who think they're cool, or people with speech impediments asking for a loan or foam.
At the meeting, Seth tells everyone that Charlie is upset. Carlisle called Charlie and told him that Bella has come down with a "rare disease" while in South America and she must be quarantined. (Anyone else notice that the names Charlie and Carlisle are similar? I'm surprised Jacob's dad's name isn't Chisels, Char-Island, or Car-chase.) Jacob, perched on the loam, suspects that this means Bella has been transformed and the Cullens have begun using a cover story, not knowing that the real reason Bella is hiding is that she's pregnant with a fetus who probably already has armpit hair.
Jacob, while standing on the loam, argues that this means war. The treaty has been violated, so they should all kill the Cullens. The other werewolves, all of whom are on loam, don't see it that way. They don't think the Cullens are a threat. And the treaty says nothing about a human who wishes to be bitten. So Sam says everyone should just chill out.
Jacob, remaining on the loam, doesn't like this, and he bounds away, running across the loam urgently. After a while, he transforms back into a human, walks up the loamy road to his house, and thinks about his plan to kill the Cullens.
I'm cheering."
I feel as though I need to wrap this post up, but if you ever want to read the blog, click HERE and it will take you there. Seriously? Best thing ever.

The Bachelorette Rises

It aired last night you guys.  I missed it because Skyler and his woman made Flanders and me dinner to say, "thanks for driving me to California and brutally sacrificing your truck to do so." Anyway, just got myself all caught up.  I get a lot of crap from certain men in my life for loving the show as much as I do, but I have proof to you that this reality t.v. show is of God. Just watch...


You all saw it, Jesus was there. And now you all know that ABC's the Bachelorette is of divine calling.
Such a weird lady. But good for her. 
So, Mother's Day.  We made it home as I am sure you gathered.  Landon's dad drove us half way and his mom picked us up and took us the rest of the way.  What would we do with out parents? We'd still be on the side of the rode in between Vegas and Mesquite, that's what. Skyler would probably be very dead too.  I made it up to my Mom's house to hang with her and my sister.  We had a delicious steak dinner outside in the sunshine and tried to take a cute picture.  We failed miserably...
this was supposed to be our "sexy face" picture...it's cool though, we're pretty on the inside.
while mom talked to dad and broseph on the phone (they're in Ohio for the summer) Mariah and I picked all of mom's flowers. She loves it when we do that.
And we played with our pooch.  I love that guy.  
And then we finished off the night fishing at our local haunted pond where many children have died. I caught lots of fish that Mariah would take off the hook for me because I can't touch fish.  Or pull barbed hooks out of their lips.  Both gross me out way too much.  But catching them is fun. It was probably the best Mother's Day yet.
We are still busy at work.  It's really going to get crazy here on Thursday, so I am trying to rest as much as I can when I am at home.  Or at least that is my excuse for not cleaning. Plus, I found a spider in my shirt this morning and now I am scared to touch anything outside of my bed.  I was driving to lunch today with a co-worker and I spotted a spider on my window and screamed at the top of my lungs.  Pretty sure I took a couple years off his life. I told him we were lucky it was outside.  We would have had serious problems if it had been inside the window. Yep, that is about all that is happening in my life.  And it's sad, but I am going to start living for Mondays so I can guiltily take pleasure in living vicariously through Emily Maynard's fake reality life. #winning.

It Could Have Been Worse....

I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry that I couldn't seem to find the strength to blog this week. It wasn't even that bad work wise, only about ten hours overtime, no biggie. I just kept coming home and falling asleep and then I'd have to entertain Posh Flanders when he got home and I just couldn't seem to find it in me to blog. Plus, nothing that exciting has even happened this week.  Well, until yesterday that is.  It started out pretty amazing and you'll probably laugh if you follow me on instagram because the photos I kept posting started out really positive and they just kept getting sadder and sadder.

This is the story:

My broseph-in-law Skyler has finally landed himself a job that makes enough money that he could get his mitts on a new dirt bike. We got a fantastic deal from Ty Davis (enduro racer extraordinaire) but to get it, it meant we had to drive all the way from Salt Lake to California in a day and back. But hey, road trips with Flanders and Sky are fun, so we were stoked.
picture #1 So excited to go to California for two hours.

So we leave work and drive down to St. George to stay with the in-laws and leave there at 5 am yesterday to make the rest of the drive. We get to Ty's house at around 10 am and talked with him for about an hour. Seriously you guys, Ty Davis is a National Champion. Amazing talent, awesome dude. We were all a little star struck. And he gave Sky a killer deal on his bike. Brand new motor, tons of add on's, great advise, new tires, rims, a bunch of awesome stuff, really. All for 3 grand. Skyler basically stole from him. Anyways, we leave there close to noon and are all in great spirits.
picture #2 all super stoked about chillin' with Ty Davis and you can see Sky's new girl friend in back.

And then we were on the road again. Trying to make it back to Provo by 10 pm at the latest. And we were making fantastic time.  We even stopped to buy jerky at that Alien place where the World's Largest Broken Thermometer is.  We passed Vegas around three and somewhere in between Vegas and Mesquite things started to go wrong.  I was just listening to music and hanging out in the front with Flanders and Sky was passed out in back when the AC stopped being cold. I looked at Flanders and was all, "why did the air just get hot?" and he was all, "I don't know..." But we didn't really think anything of it because his AC only works on full blast and defrost mode, so we figured it had just given up on us.  I asked Flanders if we should pull over, but we decided not to because it was just the AC. We were used to it sucking.  So we pass the exit that says, "Last services for 29 miles" and just as we do so, Flanders loses his power steering. And that was when we knew something was really wrong.  He looked at the heat gauge and it had spiked all the way to the top and then suddenly the engine started chattering very loudly. We got to the top of the hill and pulled off to this truck parking spot on the side of the road.  Steam was billowing from under the hood and the smell of anti-freeze was potent in the air.  Landon popped the hood and saw the serpentine belt was shredded.
picture #3 broken down between Vegas and Mesquite. It's 100 degrees outside. Very little water. At least the bike is doing good.

We are lucky we broke down where we did.  We were only about an hour outside of St. George, so Flander's dad was able to come out and help us.  But we had to try to stay cool for about an hour and a half.  We were pretty sure Skyler was suffering from heat stroke as his face was white as could be and he couldn't stand to be in the sun for even a minute.  Flanders was in good spirits still however, he just kept admiring his brother's new toy and pricing out all the extra stuff on the bike. He is very jealous.  I was surprised Flanders was as calm as he was, because in my mind I was freaking out a bit.  Not knowing how we were going to make it home for Mother's Day and work on Monday.
Picture #4 Landon's good.  Whitney's not so much.

Right before Flander's dad drove up, Flanders noticed that it wasn't just a belt that had been chewed up.  The tension pulley that the belt was on was melted and seized.  We wished we had seen that an hour and a half ago, because Flander's dad hadn't gotten that part.  So we had to drive all the way back to Mesquite with him to get the part and all the way back to the truck.  Sky stayed behind so no one stole his baby and when we pulled up, he fell out of the truck onto his knees with his hands in the air and dumping an empty water bottle on his face.  I was laughing so hard.  They got the parts replaced and filled it with coolant and we were on our way again.
Picture #5 Dad came to save the day

Not five minutes into the drive, the heat gauge spiked again.  So we pulled over again and the coolant was all gone.  It was then we realized there was something far more wrong than just the belt and pulley.  So we hooked a tow rope up to Flander's Dad's truck and ours and he towed us to Mesquite.  Where we had an auto shop tow it the rest of the way to St. George.  And here we are, looking at over a thousand dollars at least in repairs and hours away from our moms on Mother's Day.  

Flanders has yet to get upset over the situation.  He is being very mature.  But part of me thinks it's because he has finally found an excuse to get a new truck.  But he is right.  It was bound to happen, we are just very lucky we broke down so close to home and not somewhere in California.  Plus, we have amazing family who takes really good care of us.  We are about to rent a truck to get us and the bike home.  It has definitely been an eventful weekend.  

oh and Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mommies! love you all!

Sunday Snuggles with Posh Flanders

9:30 on a Sunday night and I am trying to psych myself up for this next week. I seriously love my job I'm just trying to adjust from part-time to over-time. Flanders and I just watched We Bought a Zoo and about died at how sweet it was.  The whole time we snuggled up tight and kept whispering to each other, "please don't die."  I don't think either of us would handle it well. Like, never leave the apartment and wear each other's old clothes kind of not handling it.  But aside from the sad, that movie was fantastic.  Can't believe we waited so long to see it.
Speaking of Flanders today, he got a new nick name.  He used the word "posh" while describing a luxury vehicle and I sort of teased him about it. I was all, "yeah, that truck is like, so totally posh!" and then I called him Posh Spice Flanders. All the while, he just stared at me. Not even a little amused. Just called him Posh again. Got the same look...not even a smile. Can't wait to use it all the time.
Now, let us all gaze in wonder at my new favorite picture of Posh Spice Flanders.
took it of him yesterday at dinner when he was least expecting it. Look at those eyes! Those lips! yeah, I'm pretty obsessed with this photo.  It is now the background on all of my electronic devices. Never get sick of looking' at Posh Spice Sexy Flanders. and I give you all permission to call him that.  He probably loves it as much as his brother loves his new nick name I gave him this week at work: Professor Squirrel.  We all call him Squirrel and he hates it, then I made a lame Harry Potter reference and thought I was hilarious. Can't say it without cracking up. He still hates it.  But I told him, at least he is now and educated squirrel servant of the dark squirrel lord.  He's not buying it. 
Happy Sunday everyone! 

Bring it On

I have been informed today that my summer is about to get reeaaallly busy. Like, busier than I've ever been in my whole life. Like, SEVENTY hours of work a week.  I could be exaggerating...but then again, I could be 100% accurate.  I will let you know. I worked today for, mmm... ten-ish hours? and barely made it to Zumba by seven. I am not lying to you when I say I can feel my heart beat in the arches of my feet. But you know what? I'mma be richer than I've ever been before, so holla atcho girl. And I am just throwing this out there that I'm not complaining about this schedule. I'm just....a little nervous. But hell, I say bring it on. Over-time Whitney is way cooler than 40-hours-a-week Whitney anyway. Running on Red Bulls and five hours of sleep makes for a pretty amazing person. aka, me.

S.O.S.

I'm terminal. I've given myself two months.

Sky Diving

I just got home from a Zumba class taught by a fantastically peppy male teacher wearing a shirt with a giant green tiger on it.  I've never been to one taught by a dude. And I was so jealous of his shirt. And it was the best Zumba class I have been to.  Kicked my butt.

And now I am curled up next to Sexy Flanders and the world's biggest pile of laundry.  I think that we both keep hoping the other will fold it and put it away. annnd it's not happening. oh well. one day we will run out of clothes and have to start working on it.

On my way home from the gym tonight, I had my arm out the window and was blasting the heater in my car.  It was something my Grandma used to do.  She would open all the windows in the car on a cool summer's evening and have the heater on to keep us warm.  It was amazing. I had my arm out the window and was doing that up and down thing that makes your arm fly around like a roller coaster.  Made me want to go skydiving.  Flander's bffs are going this weekend for one of his buddy's birthday and we want to go so bad.  But we probably won't because it'll be like, $450 buckaroos. So I have to just go back and watch this over and over.
probably one of the coolest things I've ever done and would like to do again. Maybe in Hawaii this fall?
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