Just awkward, no awesome today. Most because I have nothing to report from yesterday except me being really really sick. And instead of me making lasagna for Landon, we went outside and layed on the grass looking at the moon through the clouds talking about the universe. Sounds romantic, right? It kinda was. Minus the stomach virus brewing in my abdomen. And I woke up at 2:30 am wondering how the crap I ended up in my bed because apparently we fell asleep on the lawn, but I don't remember going back inside. That's kind of awkward.
and then I got on FB this morning and this was my little sister's status:
"That ghetto moment at the gas station when you only put $2 of gas in your car, buy a single tootsie roll, and wash your whole entire car with the window squeegee..."
We're a family of real winners.
oh, and in my dream last night I came up with two new nick names for Landon. I thought they were brilliant when I was sleeping and now thinking back on it they're only average. Lanchester and Land Shark. I actually still think Land Shark is still brilliant though. Just because of that Jenna Marbles video:
if you want to watch the video go HERE. If you are my mom, dad or McCall, please don't.
Ok, real quick, we are rewinding back to a few days ago. There was a spider in my bathroom that died. He was a decent sized spider and he was all curled up by the garbage can. I can't deal with live spiders let alone dead ones. (There had to have been some sort of traumatizing experience early in my life for my phobia to be at the degree it is.) So I left the spider there, hoping Landon would see it and take care of it for me. The next day it was still there. And I was 100% aware of it there entire time I'm in the bathroom getting ready. I left the bathroom to pack my lunch and came back about ten minutes later to brush my teeth. I look down and the spider had moved about 8 inches. I knew that I hadn't kicked it on accident because I was watching every second I moved my feet. I noticed it looked a little different so I crouched down to get a better look from a reasonable distance. And, you know, blow on it... Make sure it was really dead. And BAM! ANOTHER(!) Spider crawled out from under it and skittered away. I almost lost it. Scared the living crap out of me. But I have to be quiet because it's 5:30 am and Landon is asleep and the family upstairs is asleep, so I'm jumping up and down with my mouth wide open making a whisper scream. Pathetic, right? I named it the Phoenix Spider. Because it looked like a new one rose from the ashes of the old one. Except, I'm pretty sure it was just dragging it away to eat it. sick. sick. sick. sick. sick.
But then I was on Pinterest, looking through my humor board, and I found my "Misunderstood Spider" memes that I like because I feel like I am rationalizing my fear.
I think I'm guilty of all these. With the misunderstood spider in mind, I tried to put myself in his perspective. That spider was about 1 centimeter tall. I'm 6 feet tall. So if we were going put me in the spider's shoes, then I would be up against a being that is a whopping 1,098 feet tall. That's like, almost two of the St. Louis Arch.
And then I imagined living in the den, or what have you, of said 1,000 foot beast and trying to stay under the radar. But oh no, your dad goes to get something from the bathroom, maybe some hair to make a new bed or something and is maced to death by hairspray. You watch his body lying there on the floor for days. Finally, the giantess leaves the bathroom to make a lunch, you seize the moment to drag your dad's body to your little nook. But- she comes back earlier than you had anticipated and suddenly, you're face to face with her.
And then she starts blowing on you with gale force winds sending you flailing across the tile. You run with all your might as she is screeching at deafening decibels and jumping up and down and causing an 8.9 earthquake.
Probably the most terrifying thing one could experience. Traumatizing enough that the spider hasn't come back and the dead one is still there. I won't lie to you, I felt bad for the spider I probably scared close to death. I wish he would come back and get his dad spider. Even if he is going to eat him.
But when it comes down to it, nothing has changed. I will always be paralyzingly scared of them.
And if I can kill them with Lysol disinfectant or my really expensive hairspray?
Landon and I went to see the Piano Guys last night with his family. Who are the Piano Guys, you ask?
Here is one of my favorite videos of theirs:
I've idolized that piano player for most of my life. And now he has joined forces with this mad genius cellist. They make the perfect team. Go to their page on youtube and listen to all their music. It's amazing. Seriously.
I mean look at him, he plays the piano upside-down and with his toes. that's mad talent.
So as I mentioned last week, I had to work last weekend. Which isn't a bad thing at all. I love my job and I love overtime, so no complaints here. But it's weird how tired working two weeks in a row makes me. So this weekend was excellent, just relaxing and hanging with friends and family. Friday night Landy and I went to this little BBQ joint next to our home we've been wanting to try for awhile. It was delish. We will definitely be back there.
after dinner we drove around in my little car. Mr. Flanders decided to play the "World's Best Husband" card and buy me a new stereo for my Altima. The old one couldn't pick up any radio stations, and all the buttons would stick and there was no way to play my iPod on it. My new one is so good looking, and it has a jack to hook up the ol iPod. So we took a drive around town listening to Motion City Soundtrack and Regina Spektor. When we got home, I was trying to get a better picture of my new hair while Landon was playing his game. He managed to photo bomb perfectly under my arm pit.
I thought it was so funny and had to put it on Facebook because I never get photo bombed but people couldn't get past the cleavage to even notice little Flanders back there.
but let's be honest, the gals do look great.
Saturday, Landon had to work so I didn't see him til later, but I spent the day up in Ogden for my old roommie/BFF Shelise's bridal shower.
I miss these girls SO much. I mean, Landon is cool and all.... But there is something about living with those hooligans that he will never be able to replace. And if you look close you will see the present we gave her. It's camouflage lingerie I bought at a second hand store.
Friends will give you ingredients for their favorite recipe and dish towels. But only best friends will give you used lingerie. Shelise is like, "ok we all have to use it at least once. Like on the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!" No one was really on board with that idea except for her.
Yesterday, we went up to Landon's mom's casa. She is closing up the pool this week, so we figured we'd give summer one last hurrah. We swam and had a BBQ and once we were all dried off, we almost ceremonially initiated Autumn by playing a game of football in hoodies and sweat pants.
and it felt so good.
Now let's all try not to focus on the fact that it's Monday.
the ombre look was sort of abandoned mid-styling. typical me. But I love where we ended up. The bottom is actually a very deep red color and the top is dark brown, but you know, I don't have a $5000 camera to take glamour shots with and the lighting in my room sucks, so you get to see what my computer will pick up.
and we added a ton of layers in it. which felt like someone was ripping fistfuls of hair out of my head. It took all my self control not to cry about it, but the pain was worth it. It looks amaze balls.
and after the cut and color, we were invited to have pizza and watch the BYU v Boise State game. Which didn't go so well. I don't really want to talk about it.
But there isn't anything on the planet that can't be made better with a puppy on your chest.
not even a bad call to make a two-point conversion that doesn't happen and you lose.
...still not talking about it.
see? all better. he was so sleepy.
(yes, my sweater says something about deer hunting from a tower. I dunno, it was 6 buck at walmart.)
There you have it.
with my new nails and new do, I feel like I could do anything.
and I've got the whole weekend ahead of me to do it.
If you don't follow me on instagram then you wouldn't know that I got my nails done yesterday. Ombre style. My nail technician totally talked me into it. and I freaking love them. On Monday, I chipped my index fingernail, only the gel though, not the actual nail. The gal who does my nails told me that biting nails was an addiction. and I laughed, somewhat seeing her point, but I have spent more than my fair share around addicts and I didn't see that it could be that extreme. Until I stared at the exposed nail on my finger. I felt like a crack addict staring at a syringe all ready to go. It took every ounce of self control to wait til my appointment today without biting it off. I feel like I need a medal or something. Here is the fresh manicure though, I'm seriously in love with it.
(Landon doesn't like my radical ring. and also he wasn't too impressed with my fish tail braid pony I rocked. When I told him how difficult they were to do on yourself and demanded a compliment from him, he said he liked it cause it looked like a slinky.)
the golden tinsel stripes. to die for.
Landy came to the salon with me to get his hair cut. It was almost like a date. A really expensive one where we didn't hang out with each other.
but look how sexy his hair came out.
it's kinda dark and he is mega annoyed that I am taking a picture of him right before bed. I don't see what the problem is though. I'm like his own personal paparazzi. If anything he should be flattered.
But seeing Sexy Flanders with his new do made me jealous. So now I'm all set of doing something to my hair. Being in the thresholds of Autumn, I feel the need to go darker. But if you couldn't tell by the manicure, I'm stoked on this whole Ombre deal.
this is what I want:
probably not that dark though. and no matter how hard I wish on shooting stars, birthday cakes and dandelions, my hair will never be that long or that thick. But we will work with what we have.
so yeah, I'm going for the dark brown melting to red. My land-lady does hair, so I ran upstairs to consult her and ask her questions. Then we decided it wasn't a good idea to leave me alone with dye from Sally's and that she is going to take the reins on this one and do it for me. Hopefully today.
Ladies, I'm about to share my secret to getting pretty things from the guy who lives in my apartment. I don't know why, but I always feel like if I want something he has to buy it for me, or give me permission to spend the money. It has nothing to do with him being the "patriarch" because let's be honest, I wear the pants and I'm the bread winner of our shenanigans. No, I just ask because I don't know the password to our bank account and he is the one who handles our finances. So he knows when I can spend and when we are eating ice cream cones we find on the ground to survive. (Jes...)
This is my system:
I stare into my closet full of clothes but nothing to wear. I then dramatically try on everything and then throw it on the ground. I stare in the mirror and whine and whimper a little. and I crawl into bed next to him and plop my face down in his chest and make mumble sounds. no actual words just a "mrphrrmmrphr." and then he will be all, "what's wrong baby?" and then I look up in his eyes (if you can make yourself cry, this is the time to do it. Thank you Theatre II in high school.) and say melodramatically, "I just don't feel pretty anymore."
of course you're pretty.
you're freaking sexy. But you can't let on that you know that.
confidence is a great tool, but it also has a time and place.
so does low self-esteem.
Now, being all manly and neanderthal-like, your significant other won't be able to stand that his trophy wife doesn't see herself like he sees her.
This is when he is vulnerable- aka time to strike.
"I just need something, to make me feel better...a new outfit, maybe some jewelry...?"
remember to keep the doe-eyes going here and he'll basically hand you his credit card and a jar full of Nutella.
I worked my magic just yesterday. Pulled this exact routine becaaaauuse, I was purusing through the internet and found these beauts.
sandwiched in between two of these.
I can only stand to wear rings on my ring fingers. So I'm all about stacking.
also, I'm a sucker for simple silver rings. Like, if I see them, I must have them. Which is why I pulled this play out of the play book.
Don't be surprised if you see them on my hand by next week.
annnd, if you ever feel like buying me something sparkly.
went to the gym last night. It was good. Until I got on the treadmill. I laugh when people are like, "why pay to go to a gym to run in place, when you could run outside for free?" and I think, "it's because if I didn't have the constant threat of being thrown off a moving belt at a whopping 6.5 mph then I wouldn't do it."
So I was just planning on running a mile or two, you know, no marathon or anything and I was just about finished when a really fast-paced song came on so I turned up the pace to about 7.6 to match the beat of the song. I run pretty comfortably around a 6.5 mph on a treadmill so taking it up that much wasn't too difficult, but it was definitely a sprint to the finish pace, not a steady, I'm-gonna-run-like-this-for-the-next-hour pace. And just as the song was about over and I'm completely drenched in sweat, this guy was walking past my machine and stopped right in front of me and was all, "Hi! What's your name?" and I'm thinking, is he serious? I'm running my guts out, he can't possibly think I'm in the mood for small talk.
"Whitney." I panted.
"Whitney? I LOVE that name."
"So Whitney, how long have you been coming to this gym?"
"Um... about... two years or so."
"Really? So you live in Orem?"
"ohh, Lindon. Do you like it there?"
"...yeah. It's nice there."
"I bet. I like it over there."
you guys, I'm serious, I was about to fall down and let the stupid treadmill just shoot me off into someone behind me. And he just kept going. I couldn't understand for the life of me why he kept saying words to me. You see those girls at the gym in their hot work out clothes and their perfect hair and make up. I can understand why guys go up and talk and flirt with them. They're sexy. I'd do it too if I were them. But me, I'm there with my husband in baggy work out clothes and mascara running down my face because I'm sweating it all off. That didn't paint a pretty picture for you, did it. Trust me, it was worse in person. All while I'm running at a ridiculous speed for a lot longer than I intended. (if any of you think that 7.6 isn't fast, then...whatevs. I hate you. Only cause I wish I was you. and I don't really hate you.) I just didn't understand. Finally after an uncomfortably long small talk convo he walks off saying it was nice to meet me and he hopes to see me around more and I, for the first time ever, pulled that little emergency stop clip off on purpose and demanded to be taken home.
my legs are still jello.
but my question is:
does it count if you didn't look that cute at the beginning of it?
This weekend was a tough one. And for one reason alone. BYU lost to Utah. Now, I'm a Cougar fan. But I´m also a new one, so I'm not as extreme in this rivalry when it comes to the life-long fans who live and breathe college football. Fans like Landon. I was asleep just after half time and was awoken by cries of despair after BYU missed their second chance at a field gold after the Utah fans stormed the field before they were supposed to. That was a pretty uncomfortable ride home. I just played dead the whole way. I had to work yesterday, so I was gone by six and I got a call from Landon at 11:15 saying he had just woken up. I have never seen him sleep past like, 9:30 before. And he sounded so sad. So to make him feel better, I decided we should make cup cakes when I got home. In my mind, I'm picturing these elegant works of art we are going to create in our kitchen. and what a bonding experience it would be. this is how it turned out.
it definitely took our mind off the upset of the game, but by no means the work of art we had hoped for.
the bottom right picture were my favorites. The pumpkin. the failed attempts of tye-dye. the one where I ran out of green frosting and did the rest with yellow. and the other orange one that is more frosting than cupcake.
It might take awhile to get over the heart break of the cougies going down hard-core, but at least we can drown ourselves in our mediocre cupcakes... I actually look for reasons to be able to do that.
I was griping to Landon tonight about how sometimes it sucks to be a tall chica and I actually verbalized this specific concern and I sort of felt a glimmer of relief that other tall girls out there feel bad for their future daughters as well.
because yeah. mine are doomed.
anyways, as I was whining about how it sucks to be tall, no big deal, I'm still pms-y because actually I like being tall most of the time, Landon was all, "there are three reasons why I married you. You're personality, which actually comes in third place. First is your boobs, and second your height."
he knows exactly what to say to make me feel like a million bucks.
sometimes it's nice to think of Landy as my handsome prince, knight in shining armor. but under all that masculine, romantic, I'd-take-a-bullet-for-you crap is a hormonal teenage boy who's mandatory checklist for a wife is:
check, check and check.
also, I looked fierce in my leather jacket I bought back in July. I might be pushing it, wearing it now. but I couldn't help it. It's been crying my name from the depths of my closet.
like I said. fierce.
annnways. happy friday y'all.
enjoy your weekends for me. I'll be working straight through til next saturday, so I am expecting you all to step up to the plate have extra fun on my behalf.
I saw this on the humor section on Pinterest last night...
I read it. and I'm all, "...nah...well?....NAH...." and then I jumped out of my bed and ran to my purse to grab my head phones. I absent mindedly picked "Blown Away" by Carrie Underwood, not realizing the subtle booger pun, as I shoved both ear buds in my nostrils and hit play with my mouth wide open.
I could hear the music. I could hear it and it was loud! I couldn't believe this awesome trick the internet had just taught me.
And then I closed my mouth to expecting it to get quiet, you know. because the sound couldn't travel up my nasal cavities and go down my esophagus and come on out of my mouth.
but the music didn't get any quieter.
that was just the music coming out of the ear buds. not my mouth.
I was embarrassed. Even though I was home all by myself, no one was here to see how stupid I was.
and I just sat there with [Landon's] ear buds in my nose, the cords hanging down my chin like a Chinese man's Fu Manchu,
I totally wrote this post this morning and thought I published it two seconds before I ran out the door. and now I get home to find it didn't even go up. I was wondering why I wasn't hearing from you guys. I thought, well, everyone hates me unanimously. ugh, I'm so annoyed with me. so here it is. my lame-ass post I thought I posted this morning.
It's happening again. From time to time I find myself with absolutely nothing to blog about. And when that happens I know I always have my pinterest account to fall back on. So perhaps I'll give you a goodie from each of my categories. That should keep you busy and give me time to think of something mildly entertaining for tomorrow's post. So here it is...
it's twisted, yes. But I can't get over it.
caramel apple cheesecake bars. the only thing that would make this more appealing to me is if it was deep fried. amiright?
lace headbands. I want to learn to make them. But who am I kidding. crafts just aren't my thing. I'd rather pay $5 at Urban Wear and save myself the humiliation and sense of defeat.
my life will not be complete until this is in my home.
it is my mission to find the leggings. and then to put them on and never take them off. never.
if the still make these, I'm buying them all.
ironic the black kid is Aqua Man.
I'm going through some storms right now.
I have to remember this, and when you feel like you can't stand anymore,
just hold on a little longer.
the rain might not stop, but it will become quiet enough, you can sleep.
And another weekend has come and gone. This one, while not nearly as eventful as last weekend, was still a ton of fun. Friday I came home from work and cleaned. Hard core. Landon was stoked that I finally accomplished some wifely duties and "rewarded" me by taking my to Iggy's Sports Grill for 2 1/2 hours to watch the Utah v. Utah State game. Because you know. We don't have tv. We felt obligated to tip our waiter extremely well for occupying his table for 3x the normal meal length as the game fell into overtime. We came home and I went straight to bed. Exhausted from trying to digest the massive food baby and cheering for teams I didn't really care about.
Saturday, we had our own game to go to. BYU against Weber. It was a fun game. And my awesome boss gave me the off so I could go to it with a bunch of friends. It was at 1 o'clock which wouldn't be so bad usually, but Utah is having a hard time letting go of the summer temperatures and it was a scorcher. Landon and I ended up hiking up to the top of the stadium to stand under a sliver of shade for the second half.
but it was still a lot of fun. and we won, so...
After the game, we went to get some lunch with my best buds.
we are clearly very charismatic and have excellent table manors.
I seriously don't know what I would do without friends like them.
and the two on the left are getting married. mazel tov.
also, I tried my very first ever fried ice cream.
it had corn flakes on it. I wasn't disappointed.
I might have to make my way to the Utah State Fair where this year their big thing is fried green jello.
cause you know us Mormons...we just love the green jello...
Yesterday we were up in Heber. For two reasons only. We were promised (1) steak and (2) a pool. They had me at steak.
The temps were high again yesterday, so I probably spent 67% of the day swimming. with this hooligan.
We tried to do the dirty dancing move there at the end, but he just goes limp. Not the best dance partner. Swayze wouldn't have approved.
But apparently he doesn't need to be a good dancer to get in the pants of the girly dog across the street. She mysteriously got preggo and just had her puppies who mysteriously look like the Shad Man.
They're the cutest little guys. Don't even have their wittle eyes opens yet.
The neighbors are getting a DNA test to see if Shadow is in fact, the father.
Some stupid horse-faced hags flipped me off on my way to class tonight, so I flipped them off back. And they threw their arms in the air like I was the one being rude. I was driving down the road and they were waiting to cross the street. I don't even understand why they flipped me off. I'm still pissed.
I don't usually get so worked up about being given the bird. But Landon had just woken me up from a nap where I was having a dream about wearing a rich man's wife's pearls and using his house while wearing the world's softest robe. And if waking me up from a dream like that wasn't bad enough, he made me go to class. So I'm grumpy.
I almost slammed on the brakes and slapped a hoe. but if I had, I would have been late for class.
and when I've reached a low point in my day like this, I think to myself:
I have noticed lately that I have become more and more awkward. I used to be a real "social butterfly." and now, I find myself just putting myself in positions where neither I nor the person I'm talking to know how to handle the conversation at hand. Tonight, Landon and I went to the Macaroni Grill for dinner. They leave crayons on the table so you can draw on it. For a place that charges so much, that kind of sounds a little... class-less. I dunno. But, class-less is my middle name, so of course I'm all over the crayon idea. I started writing "Whitney loves Landon" but only got the the "Whitney loves" part before our waiter showed up. For reasons that are unknown, I got all weird about my love note and tried to cover it up with my hand. Which didn't work. So I tried using my whole arm, and then I realized I looked like I was sprawling out on the table and so I sit back up and just laugh as our waiter just kind of looked at me weird and was like, "I'm Keith." and writes his name next to my writing. And I was all, "yeah...I was just writing a love note....to me." and I draw an arrow pointing to me. Like, what? Who am I? Just write the note to your husband who is sitting next to you. But no, that- clearly is absurd.
and then it stared at me for the rest of the evening. saying, "you idiot."
and then I pointed it out to Landon how horribly awkward I was being and I expressed my concerns about making a fool of myself in front of the big dog of the company who is coming in for a visit this week. And Landon was all, "just don't do that thing where you mumble and cover your mouth." and I stare at him. And I'm all, "I mumble?" and he's like, "sometimes...Oh and don't do that thing where you get all excited and you ramble on and on." And I'm just staring at him. "I ramble?" and Landon's like, "Well, I mean, I think it's cute..." great. So the plan is to stay in the corner and not speak when the big boss come to visit.
My theory for my awkwardness these days is from my lack of socializing. I just hang out with Landon. not that that is a bad thing. But somehow he can decipher my mumbles and has learned to tune me out when I ramble.
I got my nails done on Friday. Where I fessed up to my nail technician that I dress up when I go there to impress her. And then I bought that turquoise bracelet from an aura reader. It was a steal.
despite the high temperature, the leaves suggest that summer is on it's last leg. Every morning there's a little more red in the mountains.
Saturday we spent the afternoon at Swiss Days up in Midway. Where we ate our food in proportions to that of a 500lb man. and we bought many hand-crafted treasures.
The reward he gets for buying me things.
Our "street sign." I'm in love.
mittens made from old sweaters. they are SO soft. and warm. and they are sitting on my dresser. Just begging for it to snow. Today's high of 90 isn't so promising.
Monday we spent our Labor Day floating on the Provo river. Which is why I didn't write a post yesterday. That river took a toll on me. Our set up was definitely...creative. I would say. Ghetto is what Landon called it.
From our misfitted life jackets...
to our tubes tied together with bailing wire.
That tube situation is why I was basically destroyed on the river. When I sat down on it when just entering the river, it dumped me off backwards into the powerful current and I was dragged for about 30 feet through boulders. The size of the bruise on my butt is comparable to a small dog. oh, AND I put sunscreen all over my body EXCEPT for the back of my legs because I assumed I would be sitting on my butt. But the only way possible to stay on those tubes was to lay on your stomach. So two hours later, from my cheeks to my feet, I am completely fried. The tan line is so bad, it looks like I'm wearing whitey tighty's. Now despite the bad stuff I just whined about, we actually had a really great time. But I think I'm good as far floating the Provo river goes for the next few years.
The best part about the weekend though, was getting to spend it with this guy.