the secret is low self-esteem

Ladies, I'm about to share my secret to getting pretty things from the guy who lives in my apartment. I don't know why, but I always feel like if I want something he has to buy it for me, or give me permission to spend the money.  It has nothing to do with him being the "patriarch" because let's be honest, I wear the pants and I'm the bread winner of our shenanigans. No, I just ask because I don't know the password to our bank account and he is the one who handles our finances. So he knows when I can spend and when we are eating ice cream cones we find on the ground to survive. (Jes...) 
This is my system:
I stare into my closet full of clothes but nothing to wear.  I then dramatically try on everything and then throw it on the ground. I stare in the mirror and whine and whimper a little. and I crawl into bed next to him and plop my face down in his chest and make mumble sounds. no actual words just a "mrphrrmmrphr." and then he will be all, "what's wrong baby?" and then I look up in his eyes (if you can make yourself cry, this is the time to do it. Thank you Theatre II in high school.) and say melodramatically, "I just don't feel pretty anymore."
[side note]
of course you're pretty. 
you're freaking sexy. But you can't let on that you know that.
confidence is a great tool, but it also has a time and place.
so does low self-esteem.
Now, being all manly and neanderthal-like, your significant other won't be able to stand that his trophy wife doesn't see herself like he sees her.
This is when he is vulnerable- aka time to strike.
"I just need something, to make me feel better...a new outfit, maybe some jewelry...?"
remember to keep the doe-eyes going here and he'll basically hand you his credit card and a jar full of Nutella.

I worked my magic just yesterday. Pulled this exact routine becaaaauuse, I was purusing through the internet and found these beauts.
this ring:

sandwiched in between two of these.

I can only stand to wear rings on my ring fingers. So I'm all about stacking.
also, I'm a sucker for simple silver rings. Like, if I see them, I must have them.  Which is why I pulled this play out of the play book.  
Don't be surprised if you see them on my hand by next week.

annnd, if you ever feel like buying me something sparkly.
go HERE.
I won't be mad at you.
I also won't be mad if you don't. Like I said, I've got the system all figured out.

you can thank me later.

7 comments:

  1. I tried this routine for the leather jacket and it worked! Then I went online to order it, took my measurements and discovered that my boobs are too big...

    So, now I have to get him to a store so I can try on jackets and then he can pay for the one I like.

    I love those rings. I'm a bracelet stacker myself.

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  2. bahahahahaha. This is great! I love that you and Alissa BOTH tried it!

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  3. Beautiful chica!! It's all learning how to work the systems. Including the system being your husband's pocketbook :)

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  4. you are a very hilarious blog writer. which you already know, i'm sure. :)

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  5. Omg I love this. You are an amazing writer and you're waaaay to funny! Thanks for the ideas!!!! =)

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  6. You are a genius and I am trying this tonight.

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  7. Note to self.. ask Whitney how to get stuffs

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