In Which I Divulge My Greatest Fears.

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of


I'm going to keep this list simple.  Keep it at my top three. Maybe four.  This is worse than the post about things that make me uncomfortable. Annnnd here we go.

1. Bugs. Spiders. Snails, slugs, grasshoppers, bees- ANYTHING that creeps or crawls.  I cannot deal.  I cannot.  People laugh.  They think it's funny.  But PEOPLE.  This is a legitimate PHOBIA.  My fear of these little creatures completely alters the way I live my life.  It. doesn't. matter. If it can bite me or sting me or do absolutely nothing at all besides tickle my arm or wherever it may land.  It does not matter.  I will scream.  I will flail. I will shake for an hour after with ghost bugs crawling up my legs or on my neck.  This is a SERIOUS. serious problem.  And I'm convinced there is no way I will ever get over it.

2. Police Officers.  This was on my uncomfortable list.  But this also somewhat alters my lifestyle.  As in, ANYTIME I am behind the wheel of a vehicle I am constantly scoping out the road for cops.  I know what gas stations they hang out at, I know all their speed trap hiding places, I know what unmarked vehicles to look out for.  It doesn't matter.  I am always scanning the roads.  I blame this on the whole I can't get away without getting a ticket.  I'm not a brat when the pull me over.  I don't try to flirt my way out.  I don't cry. I don't lie.  I'm completely cooperative.  No, let me rephrase that.  I'm completely terrified.  And still, they cite me.  I haven't been pulled over in about three years now, but that doesn't mean I'm not scared.

3.  Fish.  Lake fish to be exact.  I can scuba dive with sharks and eels and rays and octopus all day long.  But you put in a lake to wake board and I know that there are carp and tiger muskies and trout swimming around down there and I can't see them?  It's about all I can take.  The only way I can deal with that is by singing, "Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens, mmmrrphrrphrr wool something mittens.  Brown paper packages tied up with string.  These are a few of my favorite things."  And that is all I know of that song.  So I sing it over and over while I sit there in the water praying to all that is HOLY that something doesn't brush up against my leg.  Because that happens.  And I just. can't. deal.  But my love for wake boarding apparently heavily out weighs my fear.  This is a perfect example of  a love-hate relationship.  And here is what it looks like when someone is experiencing such phenomena:



Strained but sincere smile, intensely shrugged shoulders, probably ridiculously high frequency squeaks.  It's all there.  

and there you have it.  My top three fears.  I hope that you understand the severity of these fears by my overuse of caps and italicized letters.  

19 comments:

  1. There was a GIANT, GIANT caterpillar in my sink on Sunday morning. I screamed and closed my eyes while pointing the sink hose at it and drowning it's creepy ass. I haven't been able to use that sink since then. WHAT IF HE HAD FRIENDS OVER??

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    Replies
    1. WAIT NO, not a caterpillar, a CENTIPEDE. Even worse.

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    2. Kelsey, it was a rubber centipede. Stop lying.

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  2. LOOK AT BLONDE WHITNEY. I LOVE.

    1. Be glad that you're coming in October and not anytime soon, because summer = strange bugs in my house.

    2. I promise I won't speed and get pulled over when you're here.

    3. FISH ARE GROSS.

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  3. I will not, I repeat will not go into pineview..

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  4. Hey birthday twin, I am deathly afraid of worms. And the idea of worms in a lake. Because they are probably morphing and breeding in the dark abyss and looking for humans to feed on.

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  5. i freaking HATE swimming in lakes/ponds. HATE IT. it is all because of the damn fish. if i can see what is beneath me, im probably okay but the minute it gets too dark, too deep, too murky, too whatever, CONSIDER ME DONE. i swam in one of the finger lakes the other summer, in the middle of the deep deep lake, off a boat and it took everything i had in me to get in that damn water.

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  6. I totally forgot about #2! I'm so scared of those flashing lights

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  7. if i see anything creepy crawly i IMMEDIATELY get itchy.
    let's scuba.
    you and my sister have the same lake fish fear. it's hilarious.

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  8. #3! I grew up in the land of lakes when toe rings were popular, remember those? My family would be hanging out on the pontoon and my dad would always warn that the muskies would bite my toe-ringed toes off. I still have ten toes but am creeped out nonetheless.

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  9. I have the same fish fear. I don't go in the ocean. I was stung by a jellyfish and the wrapped me up for life.

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  10. Oh!!! I have a fear for spiders... My mom yells at me for that!!! :(
    Do stop over my blog too sometime dear! :)
    FASHION PANACHE BLOG
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  11. #1 is me allllll the way. Just wait until you have a baby... you can no longer run away screaming at the top of your lungs, and flailing your limbs around to ensure the bug has no place to land and sting. You just have to stand there screaming and flailing because you can't leave that baby unprotected, gosh dang it!
    And #3 is my husband. He refuses to get in the lake. And I could live on the lake during the summers. I thought my life was over when we finally married and he admitted that he hates the lake and will NOT be taking me to lake powell. Ever. Whatever, I'll just find a boyfriend on the side to take me. Eric is fine with it.

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  12. You know what's weird? I'm not that afraid of the creepy crawlies. I mean, I HATE them, but not on the level of most girls. It's weird. But don't for second think I let James know that. Ohhhhh no. I scream and flail so he'll kill the spider on the wall. And if he's being stubborn there might be fake tears. I think I got over my fear when I dated a guy my senior year of high school who was TERRIFIED of spiders. Terrified. Meaning, I had to kill spiders for HIM.

    But fish? I haven't been swimming in a lake since I was a kid, and I've never had any fish run-ins in the ocean, but man oh man I would LOSE MY MIND if a fish rubbed up against me.

    And the cops. Right there with you.

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  13. Haha, this is awesome! I totally relate to points one and two to the point where I wondered: is she in my HEAD? But I can't say I feel the same way about fish... though it's not like I am jumping in aquariums or lakes or anything to experience it, so who knows -- could be the same way! Haha. BUGS ARE GROSS. And I'm already paranoid about the cops, but I'm black, too, which makes me extra scared. Haha. Good to know someone else has this fear, too! I will literally pull down a different street or turn or get off the freeway sometimes because I'm so paranoid... even though I'm not doing anything wrong!

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  14. Oh man, What Lies Beneath is THE fear for water-adjacent folks. I love the ocean, I'm a strong swimmer. But out towards those small craft buoys...there's just TOO MUCH beneath me, WHO KNOWS what's looking up at my butt and thinking of lunch?

    I dare myself to swim out - it's good exercise, I think, and so beautiful, blah blah blaaahhhh - but something about the sad distant strains of whale song or the indistinct ever-deepening blue beneath me wigs me out every time. Even though I start strong heading out there, it's when I'm heading back that I really start to haul ass.

    I don't know what I'm running from - sharks with bad pattern-recognition, short-sighted whales - but the fear of it is what's chasing me. If something actually brushed my leg, I think I might accidentally learn to fly.

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  15. I am afraid...that you are super hot blonde. Dang gurrrllll.

    Lake monsters are worse than ocean monsters, fo sho.

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  16. #2. You and are EXACTLY the same. They have unmarked pickups around here. How unfair is that???

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