Whatever Wednesday: My Biggest Heartbreak

Uggghhhh.  Heartbreak is my LEAST favorite topic.  Especially on this blog.  It's not that I don't trust you guys, I just don't really trust....the internet.  I spent the last couple days thinking of a heartbreak in my life, or at least trying to choose just one that I could expound upon.  And to be honest, I don't really remember a time when I wasn't battling a broken heart.

And the heartbreak that I'm caught up in right now?  The one that sent me on a hiatus and still sometimes brings tears to my eyes while I'm at work and getting lost in thought?  That's the one that I'm too scared to talk about here.  I can't bring myself to open up and be so vulnerable on such an open forum.  I'm trying to be brave for everyone.  Something I've done since that night when I was 15 years old when my world came crashing down on me.  And when my mom left my bedroom after asking me a hundred times if I was "okay" or if I wanted to "talk about it" and all I could do was stare at the wall and shake my head until she left and the tears came spilling over.  I was consumed in feelings of abandonment and rejection, fear of how we were going to be ok.  I was lost in a moment of a hatred that terrified me.  I never felt my heart burn that way before, and I haven't since.

And in the blink of an eye, I felt it break inside me.

I clung to my stuffed giraffe for dear life as tears poured down my face.  I gasped for air while trying to keep my sobs as quiet as possible.  I was suffocating.

It took months for me to experience forgiveness.  But eventually I did.  And all together, the pain ceased and life went back on track.  But there are times, when the stitches in my heart come loose.  And it seems now more than ever that I'm afraid of them coming completely undone.

if y'all feel like making yourselves cry while writing a blog post, head on over to Alissa's and leave your link there.




11 comments:

  1. Oh, Whitney...I'm sorry that you're still struggling with all of this. You know I'm here for you whenever you need someone to talk to.

    Still have that stuffed giraffe?

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I WANT TO HUG YOU. I am sorry you're having a tough time. Just remember, that tough time is going to get a lot easier when your anthrax box...I mean birthday package.. reaches you!

    xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't like this post! I want my baby to be happy! Heartbreaks suck!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hear you on this not being a favorite thing to talk about...it was tougher than I realized, and I did a lot of writing and erasing! I also understanding not being able to completely share some moments because they are still too close to your heart, mine definitely was, sometimes you have to share what you can, it takes courage either way...and in the end, you did make it through! Thank you for sharing what you did...sending extra smiles your ways, and so happy I discovered your lovely blog via this link-up! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. You're one of the strongest people I know. And I sincerely mean that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In my next life I'll be down the street so I can bring over the kleenex while you're writing such a post. Such a raw post, without too much detail but enough to feel it.

    You'll one day look back on this with a feeling of peace, I promise you. I promise.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You don't ever have to tell the internets, but don't hide yourself from it completely. It sucks being the strong one, it really does. I am sorry you are hurting so much, my lovely friend.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Although I wouldn't volunteer anyone for it, I think it's a good sign that you can care about something that hard even though it's not happening to you or someone you know...it is that level of empathy that makes the world better, one step at a time. We have to care about injustice done to others, or by the time it's our turn, there will be no one left in a position to stick up for us.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is the kind of post that makes my heart ache for you. I'm so sorry that you are going through a time when your heart feels exposed and raw. whatever is going on, I hope that you are able to move forward and begin the healing process!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are definitely stronger than me for writing this - and I commend you chica. Sending hugs

    cheshirekatblog.com

    ReplyDelete

No need to stalk in silence, leave a comment.
do it.

There was an error in this gadget