Why my dog is actually the worst.

Oh yeah. Remember this guy? My pride and joy, my reason for happiness on this pathetic planet? GUESS WHAT. I wanted kill him this morning. Because as I'm in the garage this morning at 5:55, about to leave for work, I go to put my work boots on. But there was only one boot.  I turn around search the floor and stairs for the other when Shadow comes walking in the garage door from outside. And then it hit me. Shadow took my boot.  I said in my scariest voice, "SHADOW! WHERE. IS. MY. OTHER. BOOT." He didn't answer me, instead he ran in the  opposite direction with his tail between his legs. He knew. Oh, that bastard knew.

 I slipped on my another shoe on my foot and grabbed my phone with its flashlight and stomped out to the front yard. I noticed Shadow's tail sticking out from behind the big flower pot in the garden. I didn't stop to berate him just yet though.   I had to find my other boot first and hopefully not be late for work.  I tromped around following all the dog prints in the snow for about five minutes when I finally found a boot shape under a thick white blanket of cold. The mutt took it out LAST NIGHT. It was frozen solid.

I looked at my phone and I still had a few minutes before I'd be late for work, so I whipped around with the ice boot in arm and yelled again, " SHADOOOOW. YOU. GET. OUT. HERE. NOW!!"  But he didn't get out here. He booked it back into the garage and I was on his heels. Around and around the the truck we went. He'd hear me coming one way and change his direction and I would too.  This went on for about a minute until I decided to try a different approach. I said in my sweetest puppy talk, "Shadow babes, come here sweetie." And I waited for him to slink out from behind the truck and crawl over to me when I lunged for him. He saw it coming through and dashed under the truck, but not fast enough. I grabbed his tail right before he disappeared under the vehicle and dragged him back out. And I stuck the snowy boot in his face and said, "YOU. ARE. A. BAD. DOG. BADDOG!!" And I spanked his butt before he ran back under the truck.

He knew. That bastard knew.


  1. I came home from my daughter's school function last night and it turned out my dog had stolen a mini pumpkin pie off the table and ate it all. I was pissed. Lol.

  2. My dog only takes my shoes, even though they are right next to my husband's. Why? He must just hate me.

  3. I would throttle Gunner if he did something like that. For real.


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